Upon Graduating

The truth about graduating is that it's not about you. This is quite hard for many graduates to accept, but it is a fact. No one really cares whether you like your graduation or not, or whether it means anything to you or not. Graduation is the time when mothers and fathers and grandparents can cry over you and show other people your embarrassing pictures while your younger siblings pig out on your graduation cake. If you are a graduating senior, here are some things you might want to know:

1. Graduation "Charges" are not really charges. They are sermons. I would suggest that you hide crayons and a sketch pad under your gown.

2. Yes, you must take pictures.

3. No, one large group picture will not do. You must take an individual photo with every single member of your family. Yes, you must take your coat off.

4. Do not trust your parents to pick out pictures for the slideshow, because they will inevitably find the one where you have spaghetti on your head.

5. Yes, we must cry! Everyone must cry! Get ready for floods of mascara from your mom and awkward, choking pauses during your dad's prayer.

6. To all comments, respond "Awwww!" This is the all-appropriate response, for anything from graduation gifts (no, "ka-ching!!!" is not an acceptable reply) to thinly-veiled threats from the mothers of your friends ("now, I know you and Kayla will stay out of trouble...").

In closing, graduation is not about you. It is merely your parents' last excuse to hug you and smother with tears and kisses while your friends laugh at you. My advice: let your parents' have their fun. It's their last chance. Just laugh while you can as your friends get the mushy-gushy treatment.

The Art of Being Cheap

It is an accepted truth that "nothing in life is free." The concept behind this, of course, is that even if one gets a gift, someone has to pay for it. If one reflects upon this for long periods of time, one is apt to become depressed. I find that the best way to deal with the "nothing in life is free" principle is to abide by the "some things are free for me" principle.
After countless study hall periods spent in deep contemplation, I now believe that I could live for some time on free coffee, mints, saltine crackers, water fountains, samples at Starbucks, apples in hotel workout rooms, and sweet and sour chicken samples from overzealous Chinese workers at the mall. Several adults I know find my fantasies disappointing and irresponsible, comparing my dependence upon free stuff to lazy bums living off of social security. To this I respond that if they're going to charge four dollars for a cup of coffee, I think I'm entitled to make it up any way I can.
Truth: "nothing in life is free."
But some things are free for me. So why not stuff a little more lettuce in that Subway club? Might as well have a salad with your sandwich.

Driving

When you are driving with my Dad, you are very likely to end up exactly where you want to be five minutes early. The downside is that you ride is disturbed by regular shouts of "STUPID IDIOT!" or "WHOA!, WHAT is he DOING?" Which can be distracting at times from the wonderful riding experience.

When you are driving with my Mother, you are likely to end up where you want to be exactly two minutes late, having come by way of Bermuda. This phenomenon is a result of her both loving backroads and having absolutely no sense of direction. Once we became so lost in downtown Birmingham that we finally had to stop and get Chinese for lunch.

When you are driving with me, you should have a fairly pleasant ride unless you sit in the passenger seat and pound your right foot repeatedly into the floor. There is no break on the passenger's side. Really. I'm telling the truth. You can pound all you like, but it's just very very annoying.

Me and Kara doing knee stuff

Here we are, supposedly doing knee stuff. That is, Kara is; I'm just blogging.
Thoughts:

1. This hurts.

2. Kara cut back her hydrangeas.

3. Correction: Mr. Eric cut them back.

4. We love our sick masochistic lion.

5. NO MORE LATIN!!!!!!!!!

6. NO MORE CHEMISTRY!!!!!!!!

7. We love Summer Vacation!!!!

Lists

It is rather unfair to begin with "you can divide the world into two kinds of people" because this statement is really applicable to anything (people who do or don't wear flip-flops, people who do or don't eat macaroni, etc.). So please forgive me when I begin with:
You can divide the world into two kinds of people. There are people who make lists, and people who don't.
My father, for instance, has an entire folder on his computer devoted to lists (favorite books, things to buy for the house, things he has already taught his students, and so on). Every Saturday before he goes grocery shopping he prints out his grocery list and goes through the refridgerator, checking off the things we need.
My mother, on the other hand, never makes lists unless she is forced to, and even then is likely to sit on them or accidentally drop them in her coffee.
I find that it doesn't matter whether you are a list person or not so long as you always remember to buy apples and Grape Nuts. They are very good for you, and I think they are tasty, although some people prefer Toaster Streudals. Whatever.

Hey, check out these videos of Natalia Osipova at the bottom. Only not the weird, dark modern one. She is amazing.

A Goodnight Post

It must be said that my dreams are very easy to interpret. The most frequent is the late-for-ballet dream, which I have about once or twice a week. Obviously, this shows my rather OCDness for being on schedule. The second most frequent has recently become the true love dream. The meaning of this one is also rather pathetic. And embarrassing, as the lovers of my dreams are often random people who are in no way eligible or desirable for marriage.
My favorite dreams are the epic adventure dreams I occasionally get (usually involving Harry Potter in some way-- is it weird to dream you're Harry Potter all the time???) in which me and my friends go on a quest. These dreams are very fun to have, but seem weird upon further analysis (Kara marries Snape and I cry at their wedding because Aslan didn't get Zaroc from Brom in time?????).
I am about to go to bed. I hope I dream relaxing dreams about clover and pinics and being a polar bear. It seems like polar bears must have pretty nice lives, being at the top of the foodchain.
Goodnight.